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RELIVE ASPHALT JUNGLE SHORTS V.

Photos by Brian Z. Kelly

ASPHALT JUNGLE SHORTS V – OPENING NIGHT VIRTUAL TOUR

On Monday, we did a dress, although we could not run the first two plays in their locations, or the last four, as both places were closed. This cast is the most talented, versatile, in the moment group of actors you could imagine. There are so many things that happen along the way. On Monday night we were in the middle of Tower of Passion in front of the Kava Bean. Ian was lying on the ground, as is called for in the script. A car pulled into the parking lot, a guy hopped out of his red car and rushed over. "Is that guy lying on the ground or is this a play?" I had to stop myself from saying, in a Grouch Marx way, "Actually, that guy is lying on the ground and this is a play." Instead, we told him it was a play, and he returned to his car and left. Funny.

			Okay, so last night. Not a huge crowd, which was good...we needed to hone our chops. You have to imagine all these people milling in the cafe, waiting for something to happen. Actors wearing their tickets in plastic sheaths, just like the audience - it discourages people from tagging along without buying a ticket. "Grouchette" is at the ticket table with me, quipping, and throwing Grouchoesque one liners to the audience. Worked beautifully. I had the cast for Towering Passion dressed in black and white - like an old film, with splashes of red. Really cool. Bruce, who plays the café manager, is wandering the café wearing a black Kava Bean apron on, and a very subtle Marx Brothers tie pin. By the time Katharine walks into the cafe at 8pm, wearing black and white funky clothes and a bit quirky brilliant red hat, the audience watches her, thinking she's the play. She isn't...yet.
			Then, Emma begins A NICE RELAXING CUP OF TEA. The hush ripples through the audience. Nick, drinking the coffee....is so high strung in this role you can feel the vibrations. Funny Funny stuff. Performed with Nicholas Cumming, Written by Dwayne Yancey and directed by Robin Bennett.
			Right on the heels of that piece, Tracey and Roger launch into A SIMPLE QUESTION. It was hilarious. Something about theatre up so close....both of these actors are masters at facial expressions. The audience ate this play up. Hot. Sexy. Funny. Written by Michael Wilmot and directed by David Antscherl. Performed in The Kava Bean Commons.
			As Roger exits, the couple who looks like they've stepped out of the fifties, who insisted at the door they were not there for the show, but just for coffee, who've been quietly arguing, erupt. Arlene, who plays Cynthia in 3. Towering Passion, storms out of the restaurant. Grouchette, encouraged by something happening, gets the audience to exit. Peter, played by Ian, goes back for his jacket and gets held back by the crowd. "Excuse me, pardon, me - Cynthia! Wait!" And the action spills onto the sidewalk in front of the Kava Bean. Two fights, a lot of ruckus, a lot of Grouchette negotiating, and Cynthia breaks her engagement, opting for the prospect of marrying the Clock Tower in Victoria Park. This play was inspired by a story that a woman married the Eiffel Tower. Beautiful Farce. As Katharine walks in a daze up Gaukel St. toward King St., Arlene walks, hypnotically, toward the object of her affection, the Clock Tower.... TOWERING PASSION Written by Yohanan Kaldi Directed by Paddy Gillard-Bentley Performed by Jennifer Cornish, Arlene Thomas, Ian McKellar, Katharine Mills, Bruce Wolff and Nicholas Cummings. CYNTHIA It is over between us. PETER No, it is not! I am yours, you are mine, we'll marry, have three children, two cars, one dog, an aquarium, a house, 3 mortgages, a boat and live happily ever after. CLOWN But first, perhaps, a cappuccino? CYNTHIA (stamps her feet) No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! And no! Finally no! Irrefutably no! CLOWN I am confused. Is it no marriage or no cappuccino? CYNTHIA, PETER (together, to CLOWN) Shut up! CLOWN (taken aback) Who? Me? CYNTHIA, PETER (as above) Shut up!
			Grouchette, now the leader of the pack, makes a decision to follow Arlene toward the Clock Tower. On the next block, Lindsay – hapless audience member, is approached by a woman (Shelagh) comically trying to take her own picture with her cell phone. Part I of Calling Five-Seven-Five. She needs him to take her picture and he complies, audience looking on, never quite sure if it’s a play or not. CALLING FIVE SEVEN FIVE Written by Diane Rao Harman Directed by Kathleen Sheehy Performed by Shelagh Ranalli & Lindsay Stewart
			Once the picture of her frowning holding a bag of take-out food is taken, the audience carries on. Once into Victoria Park, Emma, emerges from the audience to tell a 5. Funny Story (part I). Not really funny...well, there are moments, but it’s one of the more serious pieces in the show where ‘Lauren’ talks about her relationship with her high school English Teacher. Poignant – sweet. FUNNY STORY Written by Lauren Feldman Directed by Lindsay Stewart Performed by Emma Dines
			The audience carries on to the Clock Tower, where Arlene and Roger (Margaret & Phillip) approach same hapless audience member, Lindsay (Wendell) TAKE OUR PICTURE PLEASE. In this piece, we watch a couple go from wanting their picture taken where they met, to breaking up. It’s a very funny play, but the audience seemed a little sad when at the end, Margaret wants a picture of their breakup. Wendell complies and they both leave, in opposite directions. TAKE OUR PICTURE PLEASE Written by Mark Havey Levine Directed by Tracey Kenyon Performed by Roger Sumner, Arlene Thomas & Lindsay Stewart Performed at the Clock Tower in Victoria Park ß--- The small pictures where actually taken while the couple wrestled with the camera.
			The audience pauses to pose for a picture. In spite of the rainy run – the audience was fantastic!
			As we moved back the way we came, to exit the park, Emma launches into a clarification of Funny Story Again....sweet, quiet....she handled this beautifully...because she finishes, and continues on with the crowd. FUNNY STORY Written by Lauren Feldman Directed by Lindsay Stewart Performed by Emma Dines Performed at the far side of the Clock Tower The picture is the audience on the move, just before Emma’s piece.
			Then we come upon Shelagh sitting on a bench. 8. Calling Five-Seven-Five II. Again, she needs a picture, and Lindsay complies. Now she explains to the audience that she’s going to propose to her young boyfriend by using to phone to send pictures of events in their relationship and texting haikus CALLING FIVE SEVEN FIVE Written by Diane Rao Harman Directed by Kathleen Sheehy Performed by Shelagh Ranalli & Lindsay Stewart
			As we move past the bus terminal, a flustered Ian races out of the terminal, and takes a call on his cell. Apparently he missed an important theatre production meeting. “Who reads Shakespeare anyway?” Now, emerging from the terminal, is Arlene and Tracey, valley girlish and hilarious as Tracey explains in the most high-school vernacular, the plot behind Othello. Funny stuff. BUS MOOR Written by Roger Sumner Directed by Nicholas Cumming Performed by Tracey Kenyon, Arlene Thomas & Ian Mckellar Performed at the Transit Terminal
			The audience doesn’t have far to go before one last time, Lauren (Emma), 10. Funny Story III, stops to explain herself one last time. Instead, she reveals a vulnerability regarding, men and sex and the ending is so bitter sweet, that Grouchette involved the entire audience in a group hug – Emma in the center. FUNNY STORY Written by Lauren Feldman Directed by Lindsay Stewart Performed by Emma Dines Performed at the far side of the Clock Tower
			A bit sad, the audience turns the corner onto Ontario Street and walks by a cul-de-sac in a building, if that makes sense. We call it the Madonna Building. It’s really a bank, but the architect seemed inspired and created two huge torpedo type breasts on the top of the building. Return to the Can-Can. A homeless girl, starts to banter on about her life, or lack there of, usually in verse. Along comes 103 year old Jane – she thinks that’s her name – pushing her guitar and bags of things in a broken down red pram, insisting this is her ‘spot’ with her lucky crack and all. This is a poetic, engaging piece and director, Nick Cumming’s idea to mask them both...actually made them construct their own masks, was really effective. RETURN TO THE CAN-CAN Written by Molly Best Tinsley Directed by Nicholas Cummnig Performed by Katharine Mills & Arlene Thomas
			Loud coughing from across the street attracts the audience’s attention. 12. No Dice. Two rough types, Ian and Nick, confront each other. Ian wants Nick to roll dice. Nick indicates his pockets are empty. Nick steels Ian’s wallet. Ian tries to get it back. Funniest moment is when Nick puts it in his mouth. Just lovely and weird. Ian gets it back, Nick takes Ian’s paper, and rips it. Ha! Pause. “Same time tomorrow?” “Sure. Why not?” The end. A minute long. NO DICE Written by Shirley King Directed by Lindsay Stewart Performed by Ian McKellar & Nicholas Cumming
			Next is the longest walking part as we head to the green space. The cast still tagging along start singing The Lion Sleeps Tonight. It’s a filler. Not many audience members joined in, but we’ve done this before. Last year, to buy a bit of time, we had Arlene pull up in a car beside the audience and blast Sugar Sugar on the cd player. Each night was different, but most of them had the entire audience dancing on the street.
			A man arranges to meet his girlfriend. Quickly sensing he was there to break up with her, Jillian (Emma) does the job for Adam (Bruce). After her two-minute break-up, she leaves, kissing his cheek softly. He watches her go. You know he’s thinking...what kind of idiot am I? MUCK Written by Paddy Gillard-Bentley Directed by Tracey Kenyon Performed by Emma Dimes & Bruce Wolff Performed at the Green Space at Duke & Ontario
			Calling Five-Seven-Five III. “Three times in one night! In Italy, I’d have to buy you a drink.” She has one more picture to take, and she’ll ask him to marry her with a haiku. He only works a block down. Green means yes. Red means no. And she’s off. CALLING FIVE SEVEN FIVE Written by Diane Rao Harman Directed by Kathleen Sheehy Performed by Shelagh Ranalli & Lindsay Stewart
			Grammar Bums. Ampersand! ??? Passing an alcove in an empty store is Nick (GB), grubby like in No Dice. Just weird, maybe he starts yelling out corrections regarding an article written by Bruce (Gregg)...who is holding a magazine mock-up with his picture on the cover. In Muck, we know he’s a writer, so we kept the character the same. They banter back and forth, funny funny piece, and finally Greg decides to hire the odd man to edit his writing. GB demands food....not MacDonalds...but the Walper. When Greg finally agrees, the two head down the street, yelling PUSSY SUCKER! Last night, a car pulled up right beside the play – the man there to pick up a woman. As the play progressed, his window got lower. At the last line, he was killing himself laughing, while the woman got into the car with a look like, what the hell was that? GRAMMAR BUM Written by David Coxhead Directed by Paddy Gillard-Bentley Performed by Nicholas Cumming & Bruce Wolff Performed between King & Ontario Streets
			The audience arrives at the Walper, and there’s a short intermission while they order drinks, visit the rest rooms and find a seat in the Rum Runner. (last night it was Yuk Yuks as the Rum Runner was booked. A bartender (Nick) is busy at the bar polishing glasses. In walks Penelope 16. Penelope. She’s a bit of a cougar, and has set her eyes on the bartender. Young. Virile. Not a mouse at all. There are two stories in this play. Her hitting on the bartender, and the constant interruptions on her cell, where she must stop to negotiate with her husband’s kidnappers. She is glib and sexy, and my friend Heather, almost keeled over with laughter last night. Explaining to the bartender...this was written as a monologue but as everything with is as real as we can get it, we put the bartender is, and believe me, he speaks volumes with his facial expressions and body language. The part that mad my friend almost get to sobbing with laughter is worth putting down. She’s trying to justify that the kidnapping might be good for him. “See, he always complains about never having any time. Always five hundred things going on at once. This will give him the time he needs for self-reflection. Sort of like a Woodstock Buddhist Retreat, but in the Congo - in a concrete hut - at gunpoint. PENELOPE Written by Sheri Grubert Directed by Robin Bennett Performed by Jennifer Cornish & Nicholas Cumming at The Rum Runner
Sadly – no pictures exist of this moment.			Next, the waiter enters, drops off two beers (for the next piece), wipes a few tables, and then looks around nervously at the audience. 17. Involuntary Ad Interim. “I’m not in a play you know. I’m the waiter” We dressed Nick in Penelope the same way we knew Brandon dressed...Brandon, who is an actual waiter at the Walper. The piece wouldn’t have worked for an actor the audience has already seen. It’s a minute long, and as he exits, he mutters, “Freakin’ theatre people.” INVOLUNTARY AD INTERIM Written by Paddy Gillard-Bentley Directed by Tracey Kenyon Performed by Brandon Arnold & Brian Kelly on nights Brandon wasn’t working.
			One of the guys from the table the ‘real’ waiter dropped the beers off to heads for the washroom, passing a woman on the way. Blind Date. There’s a rose on the table and the woman heads to it. Seems the goofy guy in the washroom is her blind date, and he’s dragged his friend along for moral support. Thing is, the friend quickly becomes interested in the woman, and they decide to go for dinner. BLIND DATE Written by Nancy Kenny Directed by David Antscherl Performed by Tracey Kenyon, Lindsay Stewart & Bruce Wolff at the Rum Runner.
			Straight Talk. Roger (Lance has been waiting through the previous plays). The waiter (still Nick) heads over. Very gay. Very. Nick’s performance in this role is extremely funny. Shelagh (Abbey) shows up late. They hug. The order more drinks. She’s confused....why here? He starts a confession. She thinks they are breaking up. They aren’t, it’s just he’s got an inner-lesbian. A what??? ABBEY: Ok, so what exactly makes you think you’re a lesbian, Lance? LANCE: Well, I’ve always been into sports… ABBEY: What?! LANCE: And I wear a lot of flannel… ABBEY: Lance! LANCE: And I’ve started listening to Dar Williams -- and not just for the instrumentals! Not sure how to deal with this, and that his inner lesbian things she’s hot, she decides to confess she has an inner gay man, who likes it rough. After making really funny remarks, and quips, the waiter says, “It’s like Cabaret, all at one table.” The play ends with the inner gay man chasing Lance out of the bar with the waiter racing after them to get the bill paid – and his therapy. STRAIGHT TALK Written by Brett Hursey Directed by Paddy Gillard-Bentley Performed by Shelagh Ranalli, Roger Sumner & Nicholas Cumming at The Rum Runner End of show. Thank you to the amazing audiences. It was so much fun!

Experience theatre like you never have! Is that woman beside you part of the show or just strange?

Are those policemen actors who are arresting the young man? Nope.

Fifteen plays from 45 seconds to 13 minutes long, in places you'd never expect.

In our past events, some plays have been performed in store windows, garbage dumpsters, back alleys and

thirty feet below street level through a grate in the sidewalk. The line between reality and imagination becomes blurred when you aren't sure what is a play, and what is the usual natural theatre of downtown Kitchener.

Who was in the show

Who wrote the show

Who directed the show

Who made the show happen

AJS I AJSII AJSIII AJSIV AJSVI AJSVII

ASPHALT JUNGLE SHORTS V

WAS BROUGTH TO YOU BY...

The Box office this year was at...

Kava Bean Commons

A unique café in downtown Kitchener.

24 Gaukel St. (between King and Charles St.)

Flush Ink